The Great Dramione Cliche
by Shamelessly Radiant
Summary: DMHG, ONE-SHOT: Inspired by everambling's 'The Dramione Fanfic Cliche List' I had to try my hand at some humour and silliness and bring you this in a conversation between Hermione and her best friend about a certain sexy blond prat, also known as Draco Malfoy. (Dramione)


**A/N: The Dramione Cliche Master List **by Everambling , be sure to check it out! Enjoy,

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"I'm a pureblood!", She cries, "What a revelation!"

"God, 'Mione, how awesome! Now we should get you a make-over to make everyone realize you are a pureblood and you can be fun and impulsive!"

"Yes, I agree, Ginny! We should get rid of my bushy hair first place. I want it straightened!"

"The Pureblood is certainly making you wise now, good! You'll be needing to look your best for this year. Certainly now that you are going to be living with a Ferret-Slytherin-Prince-Sex-God. I hear the Head Boy Head Girl common room has a shared bathroom. Hogwarts is such a big place they didn't have room for two and wanted to encourage raging teen hormones"

"Oh I am not the only one getting wise!" Hermione squeals, "It makes perfect sense for Draco to be Head Boy.. certainly after what happened in the tower! Also, we can organise fun, sexy drinking games and NOT study for our Newts."

"Yes, that's an idea! But please, 'Mione, refrain from all that witty banter you have going with him, we all now it is sexual tension anyways"

"I don't think so.. as far as I now, he still thinks I am a Mudblood. He is not attracted to me at all"

"Come on, Hermione! Please, your chocolate brown curls and honey eyes probably made his dormant Veela genes wake up since you slapped him in your third year and he saw you at the Yule Ball in your the fourth. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if you are his mate and he wants to shag you unconscious!"

"Really..?"

"Sure! And otherwise, you just teach him about prejudice! I'm sure that would have worked ages and ages ago."

"Or maybe I just cut myself accidentally during the sexy drinking games we'll be hosting, and then he has to see for himself that blood wouldn't make a difference.. even though I am a pureblood now.."

"I'd watch out with that, my Golden Girl! Maybe he is a vampire and a veela.. he will have to mate with you definitely then!"

"Hmm.. quick thinking fierce Ginny! God, your hair is so alike chili peppers.. no wonder Zabini is attracted to you"

"I think there is more of a change for a love triangle between you three actually. I am quite happy with Harry. Glad he is nothing like Ron, my awful brother"

"Honestly.. everyone is better than Ron.. that ****.. Thank Merlin, a bit of Ron bashing to emphasise how awesome Draco is always makes a person feel better"

"Yes, even though he was a racist bully his whole Hogwarts career! I mean, In 'Hogwarts: A History' there is a reference to Canon Harry Potter and in Book one, two, three, four, five, six and even seven Draco is not so kind.. and Ron is.."

"Oh come on, Ginny! Who needs canon and who needs 'Hogwarts a History' when you can have Veela-Vampire Draco and Zabini"

"... Did you just throw away Hogwarts a History?"

"... I did.."

"OMG you are behaving so out of character and your hair is so awesome and I love it! See, I'm sure Draco will too! Since we are ignoring canon, Harry can be like super sensitive to compensate for Ron and forget all about his "Oh-God-Don't-Ask-Me-To-Get-In-The-Middle-Of-This"-friend tendencies"

"Yes, that's a great idea! My hear really is awesome isn't it? I'm such a Mary Sue right now! I'll be perfect to comfort Draco from his abusive death eater father"

"Horrible Lucius! Narcissa will surely be super supportive of you guys, she never was prejudiced was she?"

"Well, stated in book six: Harry Potter and The Halfblood Prince is clearly stated in the Madame Malkin scene-"

"Hermione!" Ginny whispers

"Yes?"

"OOC remember! No canon!""

".. Right! I love Narcissa"

"There you go!"

".. It just occurred to me! Kingsley should really invent some Marriage Laws, also for prejudice.. and you know, because a tiny war that only happened in a castle would surely make the wizards an almost extinct race.. Malfoy would certainly propose to me, or be my ideal match too! We are just so alike *gushes* and he needs my fame for his reputation, since the Malfoy name has not survived since before the Middle ages and the wizard hunts and everything.."

"Yes, well, Draco has surely turned into a Gangsta so it would probably be necessary to get him back on the right path.. he never did pride himself on elegance and richness and the Malfoy name and class did he? IGNORE CANON HERMIONE"

"Oh God.. would Gangsta Draco rape people? Imagine me falling in love after him doing that do me because it certainly is everyone's dream to fuck the person that treated you as you were nothing.."

"Noo.. Certainly not! I think he would save you from a Crabbe/Goyle assault (those two are easy villains, to bothersome to come up with someone new) and only demand a quickie or something that you would love to give him.. Besides you are a pureblood and VOLDEMORT's daughter, so he wouldn't dare really.."

"But wasn't Tom Riddle a halfblood? So how would that make me.."

"OH GOD 'MIONE ARE YOU STILL NOT IGNORING CANNON AND BEING TOTALLY NOT OOC AND NOT MARY SUE AND THINKING THERE IS A NICE LESSON ABOUT LEARNING FROM PAST MISTAKES AND PREJUDICE AND REAL LOVE AND TRUE FRIENDSHIP AND METAPHORS AND QUALITY WRITING IN THIS FIC? (If you want all that, by the way dear reader, might I recommend 'The Harry Potter series to you?)

".. Sorry.. I'm still working on it.."

"What.. oh sorry, I was eyeing those two guys up there.. maybe I should have a threesome with them later and forget Harry? Don't they look attractive? It is such fun being slutty.. Pansy taught me all about it, she is such a great friend! She's like a really cool bohemian chick "

"I know that was in the prophecy too.."

"THE PROPHECY? Merlin, I always knew the universe cared about whom shagged whom! It has something to do with you and Draco hasn't it?"

"Yes.. Dumbledore and Snape worked together on it, well it is complicated, but apparently it was detrimental for us to vanquish my daddy *sobs* that Draco and I screwed each other so basically they set a whole series of events in motion, because Dumbledore, even dead, is that awesome and made Draco and Zabini join the order. Honestly.. Dumbledore and Snape are like teenagers marathoning the Bachelorette.. and then Draco and Zabini decided to forego their Slytherin preservation tendencies by throwing themselves into suicide missions.. How brave"

"And romantic!"

"Ginny.. I have to tell you something.. remember after the war when I was hesitating on going back to Hogwarts? And now one year later you think I am going to go.. but I actually already went"

"Really? What happened?"

"Well almost everything we talked about, but there was also a project.. a secret project.. Draco and I got a baby and had to play house for a while, and we started to fall in love (also because of his Veela-vampirish traits) and then we just founded a secret family- we keep the boy, Scorpius in the manor's attic, not sociopathic at the very least- and decided to both become healers to save people together. Draco ignored his lazy tendencies, I forgot about my house elves, and while there was no virus outbreak we still enjoyed working together..-"

.

In a manor in Wiltshire, a certain Draco Malfoy awoke with a bloodcurdling scream. Check the attic for your son, he thought, before remembering the manor didn't even have an attic.. he calmed down then, hoping his parents hadn't heard him screaming and wouldn't come running, concerned about him, turned in his luxurious bed, and the last thought that flitted through his head before he fell asleep again:

God help this fandom.

**fin.**


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